This slowness actually changes me!

My childhood in Namibia afforded me so many wonderful experiences. Living in a small coastal desert town, where the majestic and expansive Namib sand dunes meet the vast Atlantic ocean, is something that I now only truly realize was more than unusual. One of my fondest memories was when the Swakop River FINALLY reached the ocean, once every 7 years or so, mind you. It seemed our entire little town would gather at the mouth of the river at sundown. As children we would dig crazily, not too unlike a dog in ferocious search of a lost bone, to create tunnels that would eventually lead the trickle of water into the ocean. And as children we would cheer loudly, as our parents in the background would clink their bottles of local lager. Life seemed to stand still in that moment!

                                                                                                                                                                                

Come to think of it though, most things back home stood still, stayed the same. Rapid change was not part of our landscape. The sand dunes changed their shape over very slow periods of time, the river bed remained dry, but for once every 7 years. The towns people stayed the same, no one left, and the variance in the weather was but 5 degrees between winter and summer. Yes life stayed the same, there was little change and we liked it that way. It formed us.





But as God would have it, someone did leave.

 And that someone was me. And now I find myself in a new country where things change at a rapid pace. People come and people go. Things move at a much much faster pace and yes the variance between summer and winter is not a mere 5 but 80 degrees. It's stark. And so it's no wonder that while sameness is something I crave, there is one change I am always desperately looking to speed up, if only I had the power to. That change from the dead of winter to the new life of spring. But it's a very slow and steady change.


 It seems a lifetime til the little green tufts of grass finally start to appear, even while the cold white snow still covers the solid hard ground.

It seems a  lifetime til the first shoots start to appear at the ends of brown lifeless trees limbs.

And just when I doubt it will ever happen, I see the first flowers: purple crocuses, yellow daffodils and the glory of the tulip that remind me life is not all cold and dead after all.

A new season is approaching. The new is emerging. Change is finally here! And while I wish I could hasten it, not too unlike a dog in ferocious search of a lost bone, I cannot. No matter how much I want to, I just simply cannot. And in fact even more profoundly, this slowness actually changes and shapes me.

And so also in this three-year season of transition we have been in, that all too often has felt cold,  lifeless, like the dead of winter and that spring will never ever arrive, this Easter I am filled with a

renewed hope that the buds are opening and our  spring is upon us! And so I wait. Trust. Rest in my Lord for His timing. Rest in the one who is able to bring life from the dead. Because He is the one who brought me my Savior, the very one who died for me and rose from the dead so that indeed I can have a new life! 

 

The ultimate transformation from the dead of winter to the glory of spring! 

The most unappreciated GIFT OF LOVE I will ever give my kids

We have a pet bunny. Yes we really do.  His name is Rascal and I think we should have thought twice before naming him that, because he is living up to his name! He chews on EVERYTHING and somehow my expensive shoes and handbags seem to be on his A list. Well those and now he has taken to destroying our couch. Anyone who has hung out in our home knows our couch. It's the most comfortable couch out there and more than that it was a wedding gift from my beloved grandparents who have since passed away.  So all that to say this bunny needs to be trained to stay clear of the couch. Pronto!

 

Now have I told you that my kids adore our bunny? And Garrett and my stern discipline of the said cute bunny is not being too well received. "Ahh mom you are so mean!" And the fact that we have asked them to assist in the training of Mr Rascal by giving him a good swat on the rear and raising their voices with a firm "NO!" the moment they find him on the couch seems unconscionable to them. Zach's execution of that instruction this morning was a little love tap. And we tried to tell Zach that was actually not the most loving thing he could do for Rascal in that moment. Right now he actually needs a greater love. The gift of love found in firm discipline.

And would you know this gave us opportunity to talk to our kids about discipline being for their own good too. It's an act of love. "Really?! How?" You see kids Rascal might not like the firm discipline he is receiving, but he honestly does not realize he needs it. If he does not conform he will need to leave our home. And none of us wants that, least of all him. So this really is an act of love and for his own good. And come to think of it that's not all too different from the discipline you receive from us. Discipline is not a punishment, it's actually training. It's meant to change you. And if you think we enjoy disciplining you we actually hate it. It's the hardest thing we have to do as parents. We honestly would rather not have to dish out that "swat and raised voice", but we actually believe it's the most loving thing we can do for you. To train you to make better choices and to help you conform for your OWN GOOD is the most loving thing we can do for you.

And yes we don't expect you to thank us for it, but we do believe it's probably the most unappreciated gift of love you we will ever receive from us.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11


"My child, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the child he delights in." Proverbs 3:11-12

Rascal would do well to heed the advise in "Peter Rabbit"

Why the Panthers could take a lesson from the Patriots

A year later I reflect on last years Patriots' win in the Superbowl and I smile. What a game! And for tonight we are focusing a little more on the yummy food we will be eating than on who wins. My family will always love the Patriots and here is one of the main reason why this Namibianmamma is so glad that her son's a PATS fan. 

Because believe it or not I care a whole lot about how players perform right after a great defensive play, after a touchdown or during post-game interviews. That's what really matters to me. I probably care about that more than the victory itself (don't tell my son I said that). And why? Because my sports fanatic son is watching you. And while he probably will never be a pro football player, if he is going to be spending that much time watching football, he had better be getting something more than just the enjoyment of the game out of it. 

           

     

More than anything I want my son to be a mensch, a person of character. And for that to happen he needs good role models. And while I am so thankful that his greatest hero happens to be his daddy, an amazing guy, I know that his sport’s heroes are also shaping him. And I am quite satisfied in the sports heroes he has found in this team. These men are stellar! They are humble, they are fun loving and play as a team and celebrate as a band of brothers. The post-game interviews impress me. This team honors one another, they think the world of their coach, they never take glory for themselves, it's always a team win and they never speak badly of their opponents. It just never happens. And while I realize that that's what's expected of them by their franchise and that it's no doubt an internal fight for them each time not to speak of their own accomplishment, they do not give into that impulse. Not even undrafted rookie Malcolm Butler, with his incredible game winning play, spoke of his accomplishment in gloating terms last year. 

And yes while they still do a victory dance here and there after a great play, it's rare and it's not that over the top either. OK maybe Gronk, the fun loving party animal is the exception, but somehow he manages to pull it off. And I am not sure why the over the top victory dances get under my skin so, but I can't stand it. I find it so prideful. It's such an over focus on the individual player and "their" accomplishment.  "Look at me, look at how great I am!" Is this not a team sport after all? And in doing it they also cut down and demean their opponent. Ugh. It's just gross. 

So to the New England Patriots I say thank you. Thank you for being a bunch of guys I am happy my son gets to emulate. And yes I am sad you did not make it to the superbowl. And let me tell you for a diehard rugby fan that's quite a confession to make!

A little sluggish the day after last years Superbowl

Readying my heart and home

This is a year of transition for our family. And a significant one is coming up in 11 days (wonder whose counting) when I will be dropping my kids off at James Russel Lowell Elementary school.  After 5 wonderful and at the same time challenging years of homeschooling this mamma needs a break. I am thankful for these words of advice I received when I first started homeschooling, "Your children only have one mom. Anyone can educate your children but only YOU can be their mom. To the extend that you can do both great! But if you every find you cannot do both then let someone else educate and you be their mamma." So that's what I am going to do.

I look forward to someone else getting on my kids case about handwriting, a period at the end of a sentence and dreaded math (where my kids math abilities have seriously surpassed my own!) And I will seek to invest in their hearts instead. Especially that of my tween boy who, in a very age appropriate way, is starting to pull away. I look forward to a more intentional season of attempting to love my three kiddos well and to invest into who they are becoming.
 
And rather than surfing amazon for second hand curriculum  I am on pinterest looking for ways to organize our home to ensure a more smooth morning routine. Relaxed mornings is something I know we are all going to miss!!

   

But hopefully the advice from friends and my pinterest projects will help to reduce the chaos just a little. For some reason I anticipate the morning rush being the hardest change for us all. But we will see if laying out clothing the night before, and these simple breakfast ideas from facebook friends will serve us well. And then there is the hair brushing of my girls with regular tears, I find myself thankful for my sons buzz cut. 

 

But there is also readying our hearts to new relationships and so we have had fun at an ice cream parlor with one of Daliya's class mates and her family. What a great family!  It was so fun to laugh together and be with another family who are considered "resident aliens" to the USA. And yes that is what green card holders are called.  We have loved getting reacquainted with a family who lives just houses away and we are thrilled that our boys can walk to school together and share a class together! Just yesterday our neighbors son spontaneously knocked on our front door asking for a playdate and I was smiling.  And last week we were at a sprinkler park for a kindergarten meet & greet. And amidst awkward first time introductions we got to get a little glimpse of the wild and wonderful 5 year olds starting school for the first time with our equally wild and wonderful Ilana.

Opening our Zuckertuetten last year

Gifts can be so much fun

Helping my kids process the nervousness of change has also been important and so we have talked a lot. Prayed together. Celebrated the amazing teachers they each got. And as the anticipation of the start of school creeps up we have a wonderful tradition that I grew up with called "Zuckertuette" (literally meaning sugar bag). A German tradition of a bright colored cone shaped "bag" that is filled with school supplies, fun treats and yes candy. My kids cannot wait to get theirs but they will need to wait another week or so.

And in the mean time I am still trying to think of how to incorporate prayer, Bible reading and a general spiritual climate into our day when my kids will not be around nearly as much. But for that I am thankful for the advise of a wise mentor and trail blazer who suggested that breakfast time be a time where I hold off on my own breakfast and use that time to read from the Bible to my kids and pray for them. I tried it this week and it was actually a really meaningful time of discussion.

I am also processing all the truly fun and exciting extracurricular activities out there and how to respond to my children's desire to participate in them. I know that I will need to be saying no to some; after all one of  our Smith family values is that we seek to be "A loving, joyful, secure and encouraging family where we prioritize family and faith over friends and activities"

On that note I will end my morning time of blogging and will get off my computer and enjoy one of those leisurely mornings with my kiddos while we still have them :-) Here's to a few more days of Summer and to a wonderful new year of transitions!

Smith Family Values

  Smith Family Values

*     A vital growing relationship with God, living a life            

      pleasing to Him, and maintaining fellowship with

      His people.

*     Choosing to be thankful in all circumstances.

*     Valuing people over money, character over

     reputation, pleasing God over pleasing others.

*     Cultivating a life of humility, servanthood,

     patience, kindness, honesty, courage, and

     self-sacrifice.

*     Living a modest life materially and being

     generous with our money, possessions and time,

     considering others needs above our own.

*     Practicing hospitality keeping an open home,

     welcoming guests no matter the inconvenience.

*     A loving, joyful, secure, and encouraging home,

     where we prioritize family and faith over friends

     and activities.

*    Living at peace with one another, never

     harboring anger, committed to being reconciled,

     always asking forgiveness, and extending grace

     when wronged.

On Letting Go

This morning our home and my heart feels a tad empty. We just dropped Zach off for his first 2-week away camp. He was ready but I am not sure I am. It feels like a rite of passage.  Going away by yourself at 10 years old (well OK almost 11). And for that long with no opportunity for me to even check in? No contact at all for 14 days! Half a month!! What mom even agrees to that? The packing list suggested writing supplies but this mamma knows her boy and that paper and pen would be untouched and would be taking a nice round trip. So there will be no calls and no mail, no news at all. But be assured my son, I will be here; waiting and praying with anticipation.

And while I know we will miss one another, I am actually really excited for him. This is a dream camp for Zach.  It's called Summer's Best Two Weeks  and their mission is to build Christian character through competitive athletics. Two weeks of soccer, football, basketball, volleyball, hockey, ultimate frisbee, octathlon, swim meets, canoe meets, track meets and let's not forget basketball. All these will be taught by college athletes in a two week long "friendly" rivalry between the Galations and Romans. A group of about 300 kids! By a lake in what looks like the most beautiful surroundings. 

There will also be sailing, a zipline, kayaking, a high ropes course, trampoline, a climbing wall, a blob, archery and an overnight wilderness trip thrown in. Can you say a slice of heaven for my sports fanatic son. And can you say "I think this kid will have no problem falling asleep every night, even if he is not in his own bed and is sleeping with a cabin full of kids all (but one) of whom he will meet for the first time today." And at home there will be an empty bed and a quieter home and we will miss you! But be assured my son, I will be here waiting and praying with anticipation.


My hope is that my son will not only have a blast but that his character and faith will be formed in a significant way. He is right at that age where what mom has to say is not always met with all the acceptance I would like. And that's part of entering the preteen years and I get that. But I care too much about who he is becoming to not want others to have voice and influence in his life. So I am thankful for the camp counselors he will have, who will be a new voice of influence. And I take encouragement from the fact that some fine people I know who, unlike me grew up in church, would say that Summer Camp had the biggest impact on their character and faith formation. And so there may be a little less influence I now have on my son, but he is walking in the footsteps of some wonderful godly people I desire my son to emulate.  So while I may not be able to always talk to my son about God and faith, I can always talk to God about my son and his faith. And so be assured my son, I will be here waiting and praying with anticipation.

And I realize this is not only a rite of passage for my boy it's one for me too. I am learning what it means to start to let go.
 
Just yesterday we got to spend the 4th of July with friends who have a little baby. A sweet little boy. And as I watched my friend nurture and care for her little one I smiled. She was tucking him into his stroller hoping he would go down for the night so that we could enjoy the fireworks together and just watching her in action made me smile. She kept a very close watch on him making sure he was falling asleep.   Once asleep she blocked those tiny delicate ears from the loud bangs of the fireworks and I smiled once more. I smiled because all the while I was having flashbacks of when my boy was a baby but I also smiled because here I was, trying to get that now big boy, to snuggle in my arms just a bit and watch the fireworks together before our fortnight apart when there would be no tucking him in at night and where I would not be there to protect his ears from hearing things he ought not to be hearing, BUT ......

know this my precious son, we may be apart and I may be learning what it means to start to let go, but you can be assured I will always be here for you, waiting and praying in anticipation for the man you are in the process of becoming!

My soon to be 11 year old son!

Yours truly at the same age!

Zach holding his baby cousin Salo

Summer has come in more ways than one

This is officially the first week of summer and after a hard winter here in Boston I have to tell you I am ready for this new season that is upon us!  And it's a new season in more ways than one for us.

On Saturday my trusted minivan took me along a path I had traveled 5 months ago to  Place of Promise to visit someone who has become extremely dear to me by the name of Charis.* I first met Charis and her son two summer's ago when she moved in next door.   Our sons are the same age, just 10 days apart in fact, and it was through them we actually met since they were hanging over our mutual fence chatting. Charis came over to introduce herself to us and right away recognized Garrett. She had been impacted by his ministry at the spirituality group he leads in the substance abuse unit of St Elizabeth's Hospital where he serves weekly as a volunteer in what is probably the highlight of his ministry each week. And as that connection was made and Charis inquired about where Garrett is a pastor I wondered what God might have in store for us relationally.

Over time Charis and her son started attending our church and hanging out more and more at our home. We offered to watch her son while she would do the very hard work of recovery from substance abuse by attending almost daily meetings. Not an easy task when you are a single mom, working long hours and have a son to care for. It was a joy to help in some small way and for me it felt like a way of giving back. I had grown up in a rather turbulent home myself and had always marveled at the countless, and I mean really hours upon hours, I had spent at a neighbor friends home and the impact that had had on my life. It was through this family I enjoyed some stability, was given the chance to be a kid having extreme amounts of memorable fun, saw healthy family life role-modeled  and most significantly it was through this family that this Jewish kid came to know Jesus as her Lord and Savior. And I wondered if perhaps I was being called to open my heart and home in a similar way to Charis and her son Adam*.

Well this February Charis asked if we might be willing to home to her son more long term while she went and got the help she needed after a succession of relapses. She chose a program called Place of Promise which is a residential home our church helped start which "seeks to help those hurting, lost, and broken to choose and find life, healing and wholeness."

And so for the last 5 months our hearts and home has been opened to Adam and that has been both incredibly challenging and incredibly life changing all at the same time. Challenging because four children is a lot more than three I have learned. Naively I thought "What's one more?" Challenging because this child, like my own children has needs, only more so given the instability of his life the last few years. Challenging because my own kids felt displaced and wrestled with the time they were losing with Garrett and I, not the least of which were the many hours that were spent on the phone or via email caring for Adam's needs educationally, relationally with family and friends and therapeutically.  Also challenging because it ignited so many triggers of Garrett and my own childhood, both having grown up in a home with a parent who was an alcoholic. But most of all challenging because it surfaced so much of our own sin, we are far more in need of sanctification and change than we thought we were! It's said that what we are really made of comes to the surface under pressure and what surfaced was not always that pretty.

But lest you think we regret the decision we made to care for "the A man" nothing could be further from the truth. I want to believe we have had the opportunity to significantly impact this boys life and he in turn has impacted ours. I truly believe Adam has been shaped and molded in a significant way living with us. He has experienced healthy family life and that is huge. Garrett has been the most amazing male role model to him and for Adam that was very much something he needed. I have to smile at the mannerisms of Garrett he has even picked up. It's been stable, fun and welcoming here. He has seen faith lived out. He has eaten well balanced meals at a table with family while talking about our day. He has been able to just be a kid without the worries of the world on his shoulders, he even had the normalcy of bickering with "siblings". He learned about structure and discipline, doing chores and that getting out of them is not an option (and believe me he tried). Cleaning our bunnies' cage was on the top of that list.

He experienced the loud of when a bunch of active 10 year old boys hang out here for play dates and sleepovers.  Amazingly he stopped completely escaping in books! He sang and laughed here. Goofed around and told jokes. He is a different child to the one who walked into our front door five months ago. Adam is changed.

And Adam has changed us! We are not the same people we were five months ago either! Each one of us. We have grown in empathy. We have had the chance to face and address some significant weaknesses. We have seen the devastation and brokenness of substance abuse and find ourselves grateful for God's redemptive work in our own lives as children with a similar background whose lives have not perpetuated that cycle and for the most part, minus some foibles, we have it pretty together. And for that I am MOST grateful!

Tomorrow marks our farewell of caring for "the A man".  He will be reunited with his mom. In fact he will be reunited with a "new" mom because she is not the same either. These past five months have radically changed her too! It's a miracle and I saw and experienced it with my own eyes this weekend when I set eyes on her. The hard work is far from over for her but I truly believe the stronghold this addiction has had on Charis for 30 years has been broken.

I got to spend a wonderful few hours reconnecting with my friend as we sat by a river and she got to share about the transformation that has been occurring in her life.We marveled at God's goodness in the amazing opportunity that has been extended to her and her son to start a new life for themselves.

As I pulled away from what will be Charis and Adam's new home on a gorgeous sunny summer day looking at the beautiful roses that were in full bloom in their garden a thought occurred to me.  I reflected upon the drive I had taken 5 months earlier in the dead of winter just hours before a significant blizzard when there was no place to park as I dropped Charis off because of the mountains and mountains of snow and where on the drive home I  got into a minor accident as I lost control of my car and it skidded into a side walk. And as I reflected upon that dark winter day it occurred to me metaphorically that when I brought Charis to this program 5 months ago it was the dead of winter in her life and soul too but now SUMMER HAS COME!!!

PS: For my praying friends out there I do know that Charis and Adam still need prayer in the days, weeks and months ahead. Please pray especially for Charis as she readies herself to welcome Adam back, for her as she continues the hard work of recovery and for our sweet Adam as he adjusts to a new life with new neighbors across the fence and a new school. Please pray for that wonderful new beginning that awaits them. “Behold, I am making all things new.” (Revelation 21:5)

* Names have been changed but I specifically chose the name Charis for my friend which means favor or grace in Hebrew. And this is based on a special revelation she received from the Lord letting her know He loves her dearly and His favor rests upon her.